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Gah. 2016

The sharpest vision given the brightest light would have a hard time picking silver linings out of this. G'luck beloved American cousins, g'luck.

There's just one way to increase the number and frequency of people being kind to one another and it doesn't involve being a dick.

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May is Ehlers Danlos Awareness Month. I've been asked about how EDS affects my life a number of times in the last week or so, people are curious and that is good. It beats being called a circus freak, a health and safety liability or on at least one occasion being cheerfully informed that were I a dog or a horse I'd be best put down.
For EDS awareness month in 2013 then, I've put together an informal FAQ...

Q: What exactly is EDS then?
Ehlers Danlos Syndrome is a group of connective tissue disorders caused by a defect in the way the body produces collagen. Because collagen is found throughout the body, EDS has a wide range of symptoms affecting many body parts and systems

Q: Have you had it long?
A: Yes. It is genetic. I've had it as long as I've had connective tissue and experienced symptoms all my life. The disorder was diagnosed in adulthood meaning much preventable damage had already been done. Fortunately, early identification of Hypermobility Syndromes (EDS is just one type) is now becoming more common and so patients can receive treatment and support before irreversible damage has been done.

Q: Does it hurt?
A: Yes, it hurts a great deal. My joints dislocate easily and often, causing damage to the muscles, ligaments and tendons. This damage heals slowly, if it heals at all before I next damage it. Accumulative damage over the years has left me with constant pain in some areas. I have good days and bad days. On good days I am in manageable pain and can if I'm careful, slowly manage basic household tasks - most things take me three times as long as they might someone who doesn't have to sit and rest every couple of minutes to avoid passing out. On bad days the pain and muscle spasms are unbearable. I have TENS machines, various pills and gels that help with the pain, but I am rarely if ever pain free.

Q: Is it like Arthritis?
A: In some ways, yes. My joints are pretty good barometers, I often experience more pain and stiffness in the morning and evening, many of the superficial effects are the same. I have osteoarthritis in some joints caused by repeated damage. I have trouble with many of the same physical tasks, sitting, standing, walking, bottles, jars, doors, remote controls and so on. Many of the aids I use are designed for people with arthritis. People also tend to understand what arthritis means, which can make dealing with unwelcome curiosity much quicker.

Q: Do people really bother you about it?
Not all curiosity is unwelcome, of course, but there are only so many times you can answer "What've you done to yourself then?" before you run out of time to finish your shopping. The first two or three strangers who ask personal questions may get an answer, but I have a life to lead. I am no more obliged to provide medical information to all and sundry than anyone else is! Regular annoyances include "Oh, you can walk today, then?", "You don't look very disabled" and my perennial favourite "Must be nice to sit at home all day".

Q: Can you drive?
A: Yes, provided I abstain from certain meds in order to do so. I had a lovely Focus (auto) which meant I could get out and about until recently, however like many other people with disabilities recent cuts mean I've had to let the car go as I'm not in a position to repair it, run it and eat. As a result I'm now almost housebound, which is affecting my general physical and mental health for the worse.

Q: So what are They going to do about it?
A: There is no cure, no magic treatment or surgery that will fix me. I do regular physiotherapy, wear orthotic insoles and brace vulnerable joints when appropriate and use a variety of pain control techniques and medication to control some of the more unpleasant symptoms. My local hospital and surgery manage my medications and monitor my general health. Self management is key with EDS, we learn how to treat our injuries and tend to go for medical advice only with new or especially difficult problems.

Q: Will you end up in a wheelchair?
A: I'm already a wheelchair user. Like most wheelchair users I have a limited ability to walk. I am not paralysed and cannot always propel my chair due to problems with my upper body. Sometimes I use my chair, other times crutches, a pole or a rollator.

Q: Is everyone with EDS like you?
A: Nope. Some people experience few if any problems due to EDS, we're all different. I don't suffer with digestive problems to anything like the extent some of my friends do. EDS has affected my teeth terribly while others have pretty pearly whites. That said, we all have a lot in common too. Generally we all bruise easily, scar oddly and spend a lot of time tired and sore. It has been noted that many of us look alike, to the extent we're often taken for relatives by strangers.

Q: That sounds rubbish, how come you're so perky?
A: I don't get out much. I try very hard not to be a grump when there are other people around. I may look perky enough while chatting with an acquaintance at the shop but that does not mean I'm suddenly cured. You just learn to live with the pain and cope, some of the time. It is possible to be in pain and happy at the same time, though it isn't always sustainable for very long. No-one sees me an hour or so later when I'm hiding under a duvet gritting my teeth and counting down the minutes until I can next take pain meds.

Q: What's with all the Zebra stripes?
A: In medical school, doctors are told that when they hear hoof beats, they should look for horses rather than zebras, meaning they should look for an everyday common or garden cause for the patient's symptoms rather than a rare or exotic condition. In the case of EDS, the rare condition is usually the cause of what might often present as a fairly common or simple problem - and those problems can be far more serious than they initially seem. So we adopted Zebra Stripes.

Q: What can I do to help?
A: Join, or donate money to The Hypermobility Syndrome Association who work tirelessly with the medical community to improve treatment and awareness of the condition, teach schools how to help affected students participate safely in PE and other activities, and run support groups all over the UK. They're also actively involved in research into EDS and other Hypermobility Disorders and work closely with other organisations dealing with long term health conditions. If you know someone who has EDS ask them how you can help, we're all different, and often don't need the same assistance from one day to the next.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go take medications and work out how on earth to repair my wheelchair... If you've any further questions ask away. I don't bite, my teeth aren't up to the job. ;)
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The Prime Minister is just a minister after all.

I say put Nicholas Parsons in the Speakers chair.

No hesitation, reptition or deviation.

PMQs would be the better for it and possibly more entertaining too.
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So there I am, gently slumbering when the sound of one of my cats being chased by one of the local Toms rouses me from my doze. In one of those twists that you couldn't write if you stayed up all night, I rolled over at precisely the moment that little cat leapt through the window, so by the time she hit the deck, my face was it.

Cue one doubly startled cat, one doubly startled me and a miraculously still snoring Beloved.

I spent a good ten minutes trying to get back to sleep but failed due to being somewhat shaken so got up to check what I figured was a slight scratch on my ear, damp from the cat's paws (it was 3am, I hadn't twigged that it was bone dry outside).

A cursory glance in the mirror revealed that actually I'd come off rather badly from this middle of the night encounter. With the damage all on one side, I carefully positioned myself so as not to panic Beloved on waking him. Having been checked over and reaasured I went to properly clean up and assess the damage.

I have two cuts to my ear, a cut lip, a laceration that wouldn't be out of place in a pirate ship over my right eyebrow and a comically small scratch next to it. Of course, having spent ten minutes spreading blood over my face before I realised it was there I looked like somethig from a horro movie and by the time I'd got it cleaned up the bathroom looked like a crime scene, I'd forgotten just how badly faces bleed!

Anyway, the long and short of it is that I'm going to spend the weekend being asked who beat me up, so I invite suggestions for humourous and witty comebacks.

So far, "It was all Nick Clegg's fault, they're austerity cuts" and "Laser guided sharks" are favourite, but I'm sure I'll need more than that over the course of the weekend, so fire away clever and amusing internet peoples. Explain how my face came to resemble that of a prize fighter overnight!
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Scene: Corridor outside disabled toilet in a theatre hosting beer and folk festival.

Blaadyblah tries door handle, it is locked.
Blaadyblah repositions wheelchair and waits.
People pass by.
Total stranger walks up and asks "you waiting for the toilet?".
Blaadyblah smiles "Yes"
Stranger leans on wheelchair and asks if there's another toilet.
Blaadyblah gestures "one over there, and one upstairs, I think"
Stranger "Oh no, I need the disabled toilet"
Blaadyblah "would you mind not leaning on my chair, please?"
Stranger "Oh.. oh, right. OK."
Blaadyblah repositions to hold the door as it opens to reveal a harrassed new mum & freshly changed infant.
Blaadyblah smiles at baby and Mum who says thank you.
Stranger "so, how do you... you know, go?" gesturing at the toilet...
.
.
Blaadyblah "Er... I let go my urinary sphincter and empty my bladder... wha? Erm, how do you?"
Stranger looks confused and departs.
blaadyblah: (Default)
I don't have anywhere near enough time to do all the things I'd like and that includes writing explanatory notes for people who accidentally stumble across stuff I've put on t'internet so if you want to know anything not covered here, ask. If I feel like telling you, I will... the worst you'll get if I don't is a slap. My journal is for the most part restricted, a public posting does not equate permission to reproduce content. If that rattles your chain, get a grip - we're probably not each other's sort of people anyway.

If you need to get some money to me for postage, tickets etc, I prefer paypal... If you owe me money from way back, please call in person so I can break your legs.

One other thing...

The internet is an even less appropriate babysitter than a television. If you're shocked and appalled at something your child has seen here I suggest slapping yourself repeatedly in the face with a brick for failing in your responsibility to adequately supervise your progeny's internet usage.

If you really feel that I should do more to help, just let me know. I will happily provide the brick.
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