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Rude awakening...
Jul. 9th, 2010 03:30 pmSo there I am, gently slumbering when the sound of one of my cats being chased by one of the local Toms rouses me from my doze. In one of those twists that you couldn't write if you stayed up all night, I rolled over at precisely the moment that little cat leapt through the window, so by the time she hit the deck, my face was it.
Cue one doubly startled cat, one doubly startled me and a miraculously still snoring Beloved.
I spent a good ten minutes trying to get back to sleep but failed due to being somewhat shaken so got up to check what I figured was a slight scratch on my ear, damp from the cat's paws (it was 3am, I hadn't twigged that it was bone dry outside).
A cursory glance in the mirror revealed that actually I'd come off rather badly from this middle of the night encounter. With the damage all on one side, I carefully positioned myself so as not to panic Beloved on waking him. Having been checked over and reaasured I went to properly clean up and assess the damage.
I have two cuts to my ear, a cut lip, a laceration that wouldn't be out of place in a pirate ship over my right eyebrow and a comically small scratch next to it. Of course, having spent ten minutes spreading blood over my face before I realised it was there I looked like somethig from a horro movie and by the time I'd got it cleaned up the bathroom looked like a crime scene, I'd forgotten just how badly faces bleed!
Anyway, the long and short of it is that I'm going to spend the weekend being asked who beat me up, so I invite suggestions for humourous and witty comebacks.
So far, "It was all Nick Clegg's fault, they're austerity cuts" and "Laser guided sharks" are favourite, but I'm sure I'll need more than that over the course of the weekend, so fire away clever and amusing internet peoples. Explain how my face came to resemble that of a prize fighter overnight!
Cue one doubly startled cat, one doubly startled me and a miraculously still snoring Beloved.
I spent a good ten minutes trying to get back to sleep but failed due to being somewhat shaken so got up to check what I figured was a slight scratch on my ear, damp from the cat's paws (it was 3am, I hadn't twigged that it was bone dry outside).
A cursory glance in the mirror revealed that actually I'd come off rather badly from this middle of the night encounter. With the damage all on one side, I carefully positioned myself so as not to panic Beloved on waking him. Having been checked over and reaasured I went to properly clean up and assess the damage.
I have two cuts to my ear, a cut lip, a laceration that wouldn't be out of place in a pirate ship over my right eyebrow and a comically small scratch next to it. Of course, having spent ten minutes spreading blood over my face before I realised it was there I looked like somethig from a horro movie and by the time I'd got it cleaned up the bathroom looked like a crime scene, I'd forgotten just how badly faces bleed!
Anyway, the long and short of it is that I'm going to spend the weekend being asked who beat me up, so I invite suggestions for humourous and witty comebacks.
So far, "It was all Nick Clegg's fault, they're austerity cuts" and "Laser guided sharks" are favourite, but I'm sure I'll need more than that over the course of the weekend, so fire away clever and amusing internet peoples. Explain how my face came to resemble that of a prize fighter overnight!
